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You Cannot Exceed My Need For Jerry Reed
Seriously, you can’t. Reed — or, as I like to call him, The Pabst Blue Ribbon Of American Music — is hands down the single most overlooked, underrated musical genius to bridge the 20th and 21st...
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I’m Not Listening To You People Anymore
Guess who just got a new iPod? That’s right, me. Which means I’m never interacting with the larger world again. I wasn’t sure how much memory I’d need, so I went for broke with the 60 gigabyte “Black...
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That Was A Close Call
Well. Things certainly got a little heated during the evening commute. “I’m gonna kill you, you fat honky bastard!” This was the driver in the car to my right. At least, I think that’s what he said. It...
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Cut Bocephus Some Slack
I was perusing the latest catalog from renowned German porn distributor Der Freche Affe when the phone rang. I don’t normally answer it myself — that’s the houseboy’s job, after all — but a prickly...
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Willie Nelson, On The Other Hand, Should Be Hung By The Beard ‘Til He’s Dead
Unbelievable. Here I thought Willie Nelson was a fine, upstanding American, just like all country & western singers. Then he has to go and get charged with possession of marijuana and psilocybin...
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How Could I Have Been So Wrong?
Lots of whiskey tonight. Lots of whiskey. Which inevitably results in corresponding levels of AC/DC, who have been my favorite band since I first heard them at the Hot Lips Skating Rink back in 1977....
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My Ukelele Lessons Are Going Swimmingly
Thanks for asking. I’d stay and chat, but I’m this close to mastering Rush’s “2112″ on this thing and don’t want to lose my train of thought. Ciao.
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Frankly, I’m Not Sure If This Is Turning Me On Or Freaking Me Out
I mean seriously, what kind of woman walks into the beauty parlor and says, “Give me the Dee Dee Ramone?” Are we sure she’s not a lesbian? From left: First Lady Dee Dee Ramone and Ramones...
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This New Pope Is Even Lamer Than The Last One
SSDP. Not a week has gone by since the new pope got elected, and he’s already out there using populist sentiment to stir up sympathy for the poor and the weak. Pathetic. Moreover, it’s redundant. After...
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D Is For Druggist
Is For Druggist I’d been waiting around the parking lot of a local McDonald’s for a good fifteen minutes when my black-market prescription-medication procurer Skynyrd Dave finally arrived. He was...
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J Is For Jack
Is For Jack The sweet sounds of AC/DC blasted through my open driver’s side window while I sat at a red light, enjoying a fine cigar that cost more than your average third-world family might make in a...
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Apparently I Was Down With The Clowns
I awoke this morning in a damp, musty basement that reeked of incense, stale sweat, moldy pizza, soiled underpants, cat litter, marijuana, and despair. My head was throbbing, my skin felt like burned...
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